Surviving & Thriving

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How to Survive and Thrive: During or After Narcissistic Abuse

Leaving – or even recognising – an abusive relationship is never simple. Many people stay far longer than they ever imagined, not because they are weak, but because they are human. Abuse creates confusion, hope, attachment, fear, and a deep longing to believe things will get better.

This guide is here to help you understand what is happening, why it’s so hard, and how to reconnect with your identity, strength, and future.

🦁 Radical Acceptance: See the Lion for What It Is

“If you think the lion is a pussycat and step into the den expecting warmth… the truth can shock you. Radical acceptance helps you see the lion as it is – so you can make safe choices.”

Radical acceptance is not giving up. It’s stopping the struggle with reality so you can act from clarity, not hope or fear.

Key Takeaways:

  • Accept the situation as it truly is.
  • Stop pretending things are different than they are.
  • Make choices based on truth, not denial.

❓ Why People Stay – And Why This Is Not Your Fault!

People stay in abusive relationships for many complex reasons. Understanding them can help you stop blaming yourself.

Common reasons include:

  • Finances & Practical Barriers: Money, housing, children, shared lives.
  • Fear of Judgement: Social pressure or criticism, especially for women.
  • Socialisation: Taught to be patient, caring, forgiving, selfless.
  • Empathy & Putting Others First: Understanding their pain, prioritising their needs.
  • Breadcrumbs: Small acts of kindness or glimpses of who they “used to be.”
  • Trauma Bonding: Cycles of love, fear, and relief that feel like attachment.
  • Future Faking: Promises of change or a “better life ahead.”
  • Living a Fantasy: Holding on to what could be, rather than what is.
  • Loss of Identity: Feeling smaller, quieter, or unsure of your worth.
  • Confusion & Disbelief: Mind tries to rationalise incomprehensible behaviour.
  • Hope & Betrayal Blindness: Pretending things aren’t as bad because the truth hurts.

Remember: None of this is your fault. These are normal human responses to abnormal behaviour.

💪 How to Survive

Survival is about protecting your mind, identity, and soul.

  1. Reclaim Your Identity
  • Remember who you are – your values, strengths, and dreams.
  • Take small, consistent steps toward self-expression.
  1. Take Back Control

Focus on what you can control:

  • Your thoughts
  • Your plans
  • Your boundaries
  • Your inner world

Every step counts. Every decision is reclaiming your power.

  1. Education as Freedom

For many women, education opens doors to independence, employment, and safety.

It can take time – and that’s okay. Every step is progress.

  1. Allow Yourself to Think Freely

Your thoughts are private, safe, and untouchable.

  • Dream.
  • Plan.
  • Imagine a life where you are safe and valued.

No one can read your mind. This is your safe space.

  1. Seek Therapy

You don’t have to walk this path alone.
A trusted therapist can help you:

  • Untangle confusion
  • Rebuild self-worth
  • Create a safe, practical plan for the future
  1. Stay Safe
  • Check for digital tracking or monitoring.
  • Secure documents and passwords.
  • Keep a record of incidents (if safe).
  • Save money whenever possible – even small amounts are seeds of independence.

🚀 The Day You Step Into Freedom

There may come a day when you realise something has shifted – the last outburst, the final boundary crossed, or undeniable truth.

When that day comes, your plan matters.
It is the bridge from survival to freedom.

You deserve:

  • A life where you feel safe, respected, and whole.
  • A life where you do not lose your soul to survive.
  • A life where you can thrive, not just cope.

You deserve peace. You deserve independence. You deserve a future that belongs to you.

 

Call Loraine on: 0450 131 964 or Email at the link below
loraine@housefamilytherapy.com.au