Narcissistic behaviours don’t all look the same. Some people are loud and attention-seeking, while others appear shy, caring, or even self-sacrificing. Because of this, many clients say they felt confused for years before realising what they were experiencing.
Narcissistic personalities exist on a spectrum. Understanding the different types can help you make sense of patterns you may have seen in a partner, family member, colleague, or friend.
Below is a simple, client-friendly overview of the most common types.
This is the “classic” version most people imagine.
These individuals want to be admired and seen as superior.
How they might behave:
Loud, confident, or attention-seeking
Dominating conversations
Quick to anger if they feel challenged
Believes their needs should come first
How it can feel for you:
Exhausting, overshadowing, or like your opinions never matter.
More subtle and harder to spot.
They may appear sensitive, insecure, or withdrawn, but still expect special treatment.
How they might behave:
Easily hurt or offended
Passive-aggressive
Often feeling misunderstood
Uses guilt, silence, or self-pity to get their way
How it can feel for you:
Like you’re tiptoeing around their emotions and constantly reassuring them.
These individuals want to be seen as the “good person,” the helper, or the moral one.
They shine in public but behave very differently in private.
How they might behave:
Always talking about their kindness or community work
Needs praise for being generous or compassionate
Uses “I’m just trying to help” as a way to control
May accuse you of being ungrateful if you express a need
How it can feel for you:
Confusing — everyone else sees their caring side, but you see what happens when the spotlight is off.
This is the most harmful end of the spectrum.
It involves a deep need for power and control, often mixed with manipulation or intimidation.
How they might behave:
Deliberately hurtful or cruel
Blames you for their actions
Uses fear, threats, or emotional punishment
Shows little or no empathy
How it can feel for you:
Scary, destabilising, or like you’re always bracing for the next outburst.
These describe what the person bases their sense of superiority on.
Focuses on intellect, achievements, or being “the smartest.”
May use facts, logic, or condescending language to make you feel small.
Focuses on appearance, desirability, fitness, or sexuality.
May need constant compliments or validation of their looks.
Not all narcissism is negative.
Healthy narcissism is simply confidence, self-worth, and the ability to stand up for yourself — without harming others.
What it looks like:
Balanced self-esteem
Able to apologise
Can see other people’s feelings
Healthy ambition and boundaries
Recognising the spectrum helps you understand why your experiences may have been confusing or contradictory. A narcissistic person may switch between types or present differently to others than they do at home.
This knowledge isn’t about labelling — it’s about clarity, validation, and giving you language for what you’ve lived through.